Monday, February 16, 2015

On What (Some) Women Need from Men

I am going to get a little heavy on you guys today. If you are not in that type of mood then I will save you the trouble of reading through this so you can move along.

I am very close to finalizing my divorce at this point. We have been separated for a year now in many ways. As this comes to a close I have been contemplating what the horizon has in store for me. The idea of starting to date again is terrifying because it feels like it will be like going to high school all over again. You know awkward, uncomfortable plus as I have gotten older I realize that my body is not what it used to be. As I explained to one of my friends, if I were to think about dating again I would have to come with all sorts of warnings and red cones. However, I have learned a few lessons and I do realize that although I am a bit damaged from this experience, there is also plenty of good that has come of it. One thing in particular that I failed to see is that since my nature is to be a giver I tend to be the one who thinks she has to make all the effort. I am not sure how many of you my readers are in the same position, but the one thing that I can tell you is that if you are you should pay attention to those whom you chose to give your love and attention to. Ask yourself if you are always the one reaching out to them or if the effort is equal from both.

As women we need to feel that men not only love us but want us in their lives. It is not enough to flirt with someone when they are around you. Eventually that starts losing its charm. The following is my advice to men. If you as a man are not reaching out to your special lady in some way, she may get the idea that you do not feel she is important to you. For us it is not just about the big details and grand gestures, but also about the day to day and feeling nurtured. A text out of the blue just because you thought of her. A call at night when you are away just to check in. Take a picture of something that would make her laugh and send it to her. But overall do not wait for her to always initiate things between you or wait for occasions like Valentines day or some other similar date to feel like you should take her out to dinner or to a movie. If your woman is making you feel special in every way you need to reciprocate. It is different for every woman, so pay attention to what makes her tick and make sure you nurture it.

If you are in the position where you are attracted to a lady and are not sure how she feels, take a chance. I know that situations sometimes may seem complicated but if you have strong feelings toward someone and are too chicken to do anything about it you will not get anywhere. Not only do you stand the chance of looking weak to your special lady, but also she may get the impression that you are just not interested in her romantically. When women feel that way they tend to move on, so if that lady is important enough to you, make sure to let her know how you feel. Same goes for women. Sometimes we may feel we are being perfectly clear and really are not. Sometimes you have to be direct but tactfully so you don't scare men away. That is a pretty delicate balance and one that can only be tested on a case by case basis. Be gentle with each other out there.

OK that is all. Carry on.

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